Gold's Book of Pickup Lines As Tested by Gold
by FlareonGirl1
Summary: "Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?" "Not nearly as bad as when you fell on planet rejection." Oh, Gold. You should know better than to make a book of pickup lines.


**A/N: I still haven't been updating my other stories. -_- Lately, all I've been doing is writing new ideas that pop into my head and editing old stories, like this one. Don't worry though; I haven't given up on my old stories. I'm just uninspired. When the time comes, I'll update. And maybe I'll approve of the new ones I'm writing and you'll get to read them.**

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_Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon._

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"Senior Blue! I'm bored~" Gold complained. The Dex Holders were having yet another meeting, this time at Blue's house, and midnight was slowly approaching. Unfortunately, no one was tired and they were all out of activities. Seeing as Blue was the one who organized the gathering, Gold felt it was her duty to lighten up the atmosphere.

"Hold on, Gold! I'm doing something. Can't it wait?"

"Nope!" Gold cheekily called out

"Oh really now?"

"YES! NOW COME ON! We're all bored here and-"

"Fine, yeesh! Quit your yappering. And just because you're getting on my nerves, we'll watch a video, courtesy of moi." Blue said, finally stopping what she was doing.

"Everyone! Let's go to the living room! I've got this _awesome_ new video that we should watch!"

"And do tell, Blue, exactly _what_ this video is?" Green asked sarcastically, once everyone was seated in the spacious family room.

"Ah ah ah! That, dear Greenie, is a secret." She waggled her finger, then proceeded to hook the wires to the TV.

"Blue! What's taking you so long? I'm dying of boredom here!" Gold whined, once more.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming but first… Silver! Operation: Typhlo! ~" Blue called out, a little _too_ cheerfully. As if on impulse, Silver immediately shot up, grabbed Gold, shoved him into a chair, and roughly tied him up with a rope.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Blue? Silver? What's goin' on?" Gold demanded, squirming around in his chair. "Guys? Why don't you help me?" He looked around wildly with pleading eyes, but everyone just looked on with mirth.

"Yes, do tell, sis." Although he had helped Blue, Silver had no idea about what was in her mind. Knowing her, it was probably some sort of blackmail against Gold that she's been keeping.

"Before we begin, I'd like to ask a question." Blue said solemnly, completely ignoring Gold. "Have any of you read this book?" Once Gold had gotten a good look at the cover, he instantly blanched.

Upon revealing the book, laughter broke out as Gold's face slowly contorted into a face of horror. On the cover of the book, the words, "Gold's Book of Pickup Lines" was promptly placed in bold letters.

Gold's faint cry of "W-where did you get that?" was unheard as Blue proceeded to tell the Dex Holders more about the book.

"As you can see, Gold wrote this book."

"But I thought we were gonna watch a video?" Sapphire called out.

"Very good, Sapphire! You see, this book comes with a very limited edition video. It took me months to find it! But eventually, I did. So, tonight, we will watch this video, courtesy of our own _dear_ Dex Holder, Gold." Blue smirked, holding up a gold DVD case with the words, "Gold's Book of Pickup Lines (As Tested by Gold)" promptly displayed on the cover.

At this, Gold turned even paler, if possible.

"NO, NO ,NO, NO!" Gold yelled, head shaking wildly. "WE ARE _NOT_ WATCHING THAT!"

"Too late!" Blue cheerfully called out, popping the DVD in a player.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

_Elsewhere in the Johto region…_

"Professor Elm, did you hear something?" Gold's mother asked.

"No, why?"

"I could've sworn I just heard Gold screaming…"

"Nah, you care for your son too much, and you know it!"

"You're probably right…but I just can't help but get that nagging feeling, you know?" She replied wistfully, staring in the direction of the Sevii Islands.

* * *

_Back in Blue's house…_

"Pipe down, Gold! The video is about to start!" Blue scolded while trying to stifle her giggles, _trying_ being the key word.

"NO! I will _not_ pipe down! This is a _huge_ mistake that you're about to make. It'll ruin my image! You don't want that to happen to me, right? I mean COME ON GUYS – MMPH!" At this, Gold looked around wildly, expecting to see Silver near, a roll of duct tape in hand. Surprisingly, it was Sapphire who was holding the aforementioned duct tape, a miniscule smirk barely evident on her face.

Following Gold's eyes, everyone slowly turned to the suddenly innocent looking Sapphire, eyebrows raised.

"What? His screamin' was annoying me, and I wanted to get on with the video." She replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. Everyone nodded their heads in approval and turned their attention back to the TV, when the advertisements had fortunately just finished.

The video opened with cheesy theme music, with various shots of Gold. The last picture of Gold slowly faded into the selection screen with the options of; play, scene selection, bloopers, and behind the scenes.

"Okay everyone, we'll watch from beginning 'til the end. I'd like to keep this DVD as blackmail, so anyone who needs it for such purposes or wants to watch it again, just ask. And it's getting pretty late so let's just save the bloopers and behind the scenes for another time, yeah? Anyone who wants to replay a scene, just ask me, okay?" Blue stated happily. "Before we begin, any questions?"

The room was silent, aside from Gold's muffled screams.

"Alrighty then! Without further ado, let's watch-" Blue snickered. "-Gold's Book of Pickup Lines, As Tested by Gold."

And thus, the play button was pushed, leaving Gold to only widen his eyes in horror.

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The screen remained black as the narrator's voice took over the introductory music. "Good day, and welcome to Gold's Book of Pickup Lines, As Tested by Gold! And here's our host, and not to mention our tester, Gold!" The screen switched to a grimacing Gold, who then noticed the camera on him, and faked a smile.

"Hello. I'm Gold. As you may or may not know, I am the author of Gold's Book of Pickup Lines." He said through clenched teeth. "Today, I will be demonstrating these amazing pickup lines and their results." Gold said slowly in a robotic voice, seemingly reading off of a cue card. "Without further ado… Let us begin."

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The scene was switched to an awfully familiar looking lab in Kanto. Suddenly, Crystal walked in and sat down, and began to type her research. Soon after, Gold casually strolled in and plopped himself in a chair beside Crystal's. Crystal, startled by the sudden noise, looked up and upon finding Gold, automatically glared at him.

"What do you want?" She irritably asked.

"Where have you been all my life?" Gold asked, smiling charmingly.

Crystal sat there stunned, and silently contemplated her answer. After a few seconds she responded. "Hiding from you." She deadpanned, and turned back to typing her research.

The scene paused.

* * *

There was an eerie silence in the room, but it was soon replaced by howling laughter.

"YOU RECORDED THAT?" Crystal screeched at Gold. She then proceeded to reach for his neck in order to strangle him, but Blue stopped her.

"Crystal! Calm down! I'm sure we can interro- um, I mean _ask_ Gold about this later. For now, let's just enjoy the video!"

Crystal seethed, and sat back onto the couch with an ungraceful _plop_. She then grimaced, remembering her many encounters with Gold, vaguely familiar to this one.

It was going to be a _long_ night.

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Suddenly, the Dex Holders found themselves staring at the streets of Goldenrod, outside of the Goldenrod Radio Tower. DJ Mary exited from said building and accidentally ran into Gold. Gold stumbled a bit and grinned insanely, realizing who it was.

"Hi, I'm Gold…Haven't I seen you some place before?" He said, offering his hand for a handshake, only for it to be promptly smacked by DJ Mary.

"Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore." She responded flatly, with the utmost seriousness in her eyes.

Gold could only watch, dumbfounded as DJ Mary walked away, her head held high.

* * *

"Burned like a Treecko." Sapphire snickered.

"Need a burn heal, Gold?" Ruby added.

They laughed together at Gold's misery.

* * *

A majority of the Dex Holders grinned and leaned forward, seeing Crystal on the screen once more, expecting a good show. She was avidly reading a book in what seemed to be the Canalave Library, engrossed by its contents. Slowly, but surely, the Dex Holders watched Gold walk up the stairs. His eyes widened a small fraction, and he grinned. He instantly reached for the seat next to Crystal.

"Is this seat empty?" Gold asked, visibly startling Crystal, yet again.

Crystal was clearly not amused. "Yes, and this one will be if you sit down." She said icily, her eyes narrowing.

Gold smirked, sat down, propped his feet up, and closed his eyes, silently waiting for her reaction.

He suddenly heard a screech from Crystal's chair, signaling her leave. Gold's eyes flickered opened, and actually seemed surprised to see an empty table.

"Didn't think she'd actually do it." He mumbled, bounding down the stairs after her. He caught up to her as she exited the library.

"So…Your place or mine?"

"Both." She replied, calling out Xatee."You go to yours-"She mounted the Mystic Pokémon "-and I'll go to mine." Were her final words, before she flew off.

Gold stared at the sky for a good two minutes, before stalking off, mumbling something about stupid bets and stupid debts.

* * *

The whole room was engulfed in laughter, save for Crystal, who was flushed with embarrassment, and Gold's muffled groaning. Once the laughter died down, the Hoenn trio constantly shouted "again", and Blue, being the 'wonderful hostess' she was, happily complied.

As the scene started again, Green pulled Crystal aside. "What were you doing in Sinnoh?" He questioned, a hint of confusion _barely_ noticeable in his voice.

"I just became so fascinated with Arceus after the encounter that Gold, Silver, and I experienced! But rest assured, I've been keeping up with my other research and have some files regarding all of the legendary Pokémon there, and I've captured some Sinnoh Pokémon as well."

Green nodded. "Good job." He then walked back to the loveseat he was previously sitting in.

Crystal took this opportunity to try and escape, but she was unfortunately caught by Blue, who forced her to sit back on the couch, next to Silver.

* * *

Gold was strolling around in an unknown route, observing his surroundings. He smirked when he saw a purple haired woman with her back facing him. The woman appeared to be wearing a Cacturne costume. Oddly enough, she was training a Cacturne. Shrugging off his strange observations, Gold went in for the kill.

He slowly approached the woman from the back and said, "Hi, I'm Gold. What's your name?"

The woman, still not turning around begrudgingly gave her name. "My name's Harley."

"Alright, Harley. So, what do you do for a living?" Gold pestered, persistent as ever.

Harley slowly turned around. "I'm a female impersonator."

Gold's smirk fell instantly at the answer, and his face was a mix of disgust, shame, and horror. He gave her-_him _the once over, confirming the earlier statement. Gold instantly shuddered, then turned and sprinted into the distance.

* * *

The house was practically _shaking_ in the Dex Holder's full blown laughter. The Kanto quartet was openly rolling on the floor laughing, save for Green, who settled for laughter instead of his usual chuckling. Crystal kept laughing and pointing at Gold, who kept getting paler by the second. Silver, like Green, was boisterously laughing instead of the usual chuckle. The Hoenn trio, like the Kanto quartet, was also rolling on the floor boisterously laughing. However, they were also pounding their fists on the floor with tears flowing, chanting "_AGAIN!_" together like a mantra, in between their laughter. Platinum giggled for a bit, but stopped herself before anyone could take notice. Pearl and Diamond, being the comedians they are, laughed really hard.

Gold couldn't bear the horror. He was sure that that one scene was played _at least _ten times.

Once the laughter had _finally_ died down, Blue cleared her throat and spoke up. "Now…Moving on…"

* * *

Almost everyone smirked; yet another scene with Crystal. This time, she was training at her childhood training spot, Mt. Mortar. She had been resting with her Pokémon, all of them tired from their workout, when suddenly Machoke came and surrounded her. Crystal groaned. She couldn't believe her luck. She was about to get up when suddenly, Gold swept in with Togetaro.

"Oooh! I see a pretty damsel in distress!" Gold called out. He then ordered Togetaro to keep using Metronome until every Machoke was knocked out. "So Crystal, happy to see me?" Gold said cheekily.

"Pfft. In a million years." Crystal muttered, despite her current situation.

"Then I'll wait!" Gold cheerily said.

"That is _not_ what I meant Go-"

"Crystal. I would go to the end of the world for you." Gold said, eyes serious, but he was fighting the grin off his face.

Crystal just brushed off his statement as another pickup line. "But would you stay there?" She asked, looking directly into his eyes.

* * *

"That was pure gold! Nicely done Crystal." Blue said, while the others tried not to laugh. "And Gold, for a second, I thought that you really had her, but then you just _had_ to grin like that… Let's replay that part, shall we?" Blue then rewinded.

"Crystal. I would go to the end of the world for you."

Then Blue paused the video, and took out a random stick.

"Attention, on the eyes, which look _very_ serious." She said, using the stick to circle the eyes. She then proceeded to play the moment in slow motion. "Attention on the slight quiver of the mouth, trying not to grin, but horribly failing anyway. And just when Gold thought that he got her…" Blue played the rest of the scene.

"But would you stay there?" The room broke into laughter at that line.

"Crystal bounces back with an attitude! I do say Crystal, you've got a new respect from me." Blue remarked, grinning. "Anyway, back to the video!"

* * *

Gold was at the Goldenrod Game Corner, playing at the slots. He spotted Whitney and casually walked over to her.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together."

"Really? I'd put f and u together." Whitney smiled sweetly, then kicked him in the shin and walked out.

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"Smooth…" Silver commented, receiving snickers and giggles from the other Dex Holders.

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This scene seemed to be a continuation of the previous one. Gold, dejected, went to Ecruteak. Wandering around the city, he found a Kimono Girl.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together." Gold stated confidently, thinking that his pickup line wouldn't fail him a second time.

"Oh no, there's no need." she began kindly. "N and o are already next to each other." she stated, then promptly left.

Gold's jaw dropped.

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"That Gold, was just pitiful. Using the same pickup line again? What were you thinking?" Blue berated him for his stupidity.

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Practically all of the Dex Holders had a Cheshire Cat like grin on their face. This video just _loved_ Crystal. Crystal was back at the lab, doing more research, when Gold slammed the door opened.

"Go _away_, Gold." Crystal growled.

"Oh come on Crys! I know how to please a woman."

"Then _please_ _leave me alone_." Crystal seethed.

Gold, however, seemed to have other plans.

"Stop kidding yourself Crys! I can tell you want me."

"Oh, you're sooo right." Crystal said smiling flirtatiously, slowly walking him over to the door.

The Dex Holders tensed and stared at the screen in shock.

"I want you…" Crystal said, trailing her fingers up Gold's arm as he smirked.

"-to leave." She whispered in his ear.

"Wh-wha?"

Needless to say, Gold was left dumbfounded after being kicked out of the lab.

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The Dex Holders stared for a good minute. Then they shifted their gazes to Crystal, then Gold. Slowly, they burst into laughter.

"I t-take what I said back Crystal!" Blue paused to laugh some more. "_This_ is pure gold! Couldn't have handled it better myself, Crys! _Seriously_!" She then proceeded to laugh with the rest.

After a while, she pressed play, but all there was left was credits.

"Awww… It's over!" Sapphire whined. Suddenly, her eyes glinted with mischief. "I call dibs! I want to borrow the DVD first!"

Under the cover of the pandemonium happening over the ownership of the DVD, Crystal took off the duct tape from Gold's face.

Gold took a few deep breaths. "Crys! You're a life saver!" Testing his luck, Gold tried another pickup line. "Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?"

Crystal smiled, despite herself. "Not nearly as bad as when you fell on planet rejection."

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**And it's done! What do you think? **

**And yes, to those anime fans wondering about Harley. That **_**is**_** the same Harley from the anime.**

**Please review, you guys! As happy and grateful I am for getting favorite stories and favorite authored, I really appreciate a good review. 'Til next time! :)**

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**Response Corner**

**PokeFan: Thanks! I'm flattered. I don't know if I can, but I'll try! I'm thinking of adding a continuation of this. ;)**

**Junk Dragon: Glad you think so. :) Maybe in the new installment...? ;) And thanks for the favorite story!**

**Hannahthepikachu: Interesting idea... I'll keep that in mind.**

**EmeraldHeart12: Me too! I was looking through people's profiles and found this overly cliche thing then transformed it into this. Thanks for the favorite story! :)**

**ENL (): Thanks! I really appreciate your review. :) This was a very fun story for me to write, so I'm glad that you've enjoyed it even more than I have! :D**

**Gloss Gurl: Thank you. :)**

**BreadStarz: I know! I love Gold. He's one of my favorite Dex Holders. Ironically, I love bashing him. XD**

**HellYeahItzHenry: Thanks for the feedback! Maybe... Just maybe. ;)**

**Rat2rrj: Really? I'm glad to know you loved it that much! I wasn't sure if people would really like this story.**

**xxxDreamingflowerxxx: They don't. They really don't. But Gold just doesn't seem to learn, now does he?**

**Shin M. Hiram: Thanks! Me too, actually.**


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